Keeping the Faith

I have a friend who I get together with once every couple of months for the sole purpose of seeing a girly movie.  You know the type, the cheesy feel-good romantic comedy or emotion-laden drama that we'd probably never subject anyone else to.  The type of movie with a story line that is beyond far-fetched and yet, even though you mentally interject your skepticism at every turn of the plot, you still can't help but smile when the main characters wind up together in the end.   


On Monday we went to see "Just Go With It," the new Adam Sandler movie starring Jennifer Aniston. True to form, the story followed a ridiculous series of ill-fated events with unlikely resolutions and yet sure enough, towards the end of the movie, as the main characters finally come to realize they've actually been in love with one another all along, I found myself smiling as usual.  Only this time something was different... for the first time in a long time I didn't hear the voice in my head telling me that would never happen for me.  

When my last relationship ended I felt like I'd lost my faith.  My faith in people, my faith in relationships, my faith in happy endings.  When you go through something that shakes you like that it can feel devastating and very absolute. It can make you feel like there's no hope for a future that's any different than what you feel in that moment and, if you're not careful, that's exactly the kind of reality you can create for yourself.  The fear of winding up right back in that same spot can be paralyzing.  It can prevent you from taking the risks or chances that might open up an opportunity to change that future for yourself.

After a couple weeks of feeling not so great I am finally coming around to feeling like myself again, only an even better version.  This week P and I spent a little more time talking about my 'setback' (though P didn't particularly like that choice of words) and how it's part of the process, not just of therapy but really part of the process of life as well.  There are always going to be times when I don't feel great or various things or events that may throw me for a loop.  Building confidence in myself and building secure relationships certainly will help me get through the difficult times but I think perhaps equally important is simply having faith to trust in the process.   So instead of feeling annoyed by or trying to brush aside my self-described setback I embrace it because I realize that having experienced that tough time will provide me with more confidence in the future that, not only can I get through the hard times, but I am capable of bouncing back.

So I'm learning to trust the process but perhaps most importantly I'm beginning to have faith again, faith that my future can have a happier ending than the one I'd written for myself - if I'm willing to take the chances.  And on that note, I almost walked up and started talking to a cute guy I saw shopping at Target yesterday (I know, I said 'almost' but it's still a huge step for me!) I know that my fear is an obstacle that I'll need to overcome but I feel like if I can conquer that then I can conquer almost anything.  

-k