Going With the Flow: The No Plans Experiment

This week P challenged me to go one week without making plans.  Now I know that may sound like an odd request but allow me to clarify… I'm not talking about social plans with friends or work commitments.  I'm talking about all of the planning that occurs during my down time.  All of the other time that I fill up with little errands and obligations (kind of like busy work that I assign myself).  


You see, I'm a planner.  From the moment I wake up my day is often already prearranged.  I've planned out what I'm going to eat, when I'll go to the gym and what I'll do there, when I'll fit in time to blog…  I rarely ever allow myself the luxury to just go with the flow.  I run a pretty tight ship and I'm constantly looking for extra little pockets of time that I can fill up with even more tasks.  So when P offered up this little dare, even though I found myself thinking it would be a fool's mission I couldn't help but wonder: what would it feel like if I allowed myself the freedom to follow my every whim?  (I imagined it would be delightful!)

And so the overachiever in me accepted the challenge head on.  I launched my 'No Plans Experiment' immediately upon leaving therapy.  For every task or plan that popped into my mind I was to ask myself whether it was something I actually wanted to do or just something I feel like I should be doing.  Here is a sample from my week: 

After therapy on Tuesdays I usually stop by Trader Joe's for some groceries but, in keeping with the spirit of my mission, I paused first to consider whether I actually felt like going. (This one was a no brainer - I love grocery shopping, this was definitely in the 'want' column).   I shopped happily up and down the aisles marveling at the ease of my assignment thus far - maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as I thought!  


Then as I was unloading my groceries later at home I found myself mentally searching for something to fill the next time slot.  I could walk my dogs who were staring at me expectantly as I put away my food, tend to some laundry that was long overdue, finally get around to organizing my work bag…In the past I ordinarily would have tackled all three things but instead I asked myself whether I really felt like doing any of it right that minute.  


The answer was no.  In fact, I was feeling pretty tired from having run around all day on my day off and so I decided to take a nap instead.  It felt really indulgent.  Later that evening I chatted on Skype with my two best friends, which was definitely something I wanted to do, but I also called it a night the moment I felt myself getting sleepy.   Getting into bed I heard a nagging voice telling me I should journal but I decided to skip it - I was tired after all! 

Wednesday evenings after work I attend a yoga class but there's about an hour time slot I usually try to fill between work and the gym.  I typically head to the gym early and run on the treadmill (I'm constantly on the lookout for any chance to squeeze in some extra cardio) but it had been a busy day at work and my body wasn't really up for a run.  I decided instead that I was feeling the urge to reflect and so I journaled, right there in my car in the gym parking lot! Later during yoga, I noticed myself planning several times and I had to mentally slap myself on the wrist during downward dog but the nagging voice in my head eventually went away.  


Feeling relaxed and rejuvenated after class I decided to take my dogs on a late night walk.  Instead of rushing around the block as I often do, treating it like one more item on my to do list, we walked at a slower pace, taking time to smell the roses (or in their case bushes).  I think I enjoyed it almost as much as they did!

Saturday after work I had planned on taking a hot yoga class (I often look forward to some exercise at the end of the work week as a chance to decompress) but it had been a particularly long week and I didn't really feel like committing to a full 75 minutes of intense poses and heat.  I compromised instead with a short session on the elliptical machine followed by a few minutes of stretching in the sauna.  I stopped by the grocery store again (I wasn't kidding, I love to grocery shop) then went home and took the dogs for another leisurely walk.

The rest of the week unfolded in a similar fashion and I began to realize that flying by the seat of my pants was really working out for me.  By the end of the week I was feeling extremely relaxed and peaceful, almost like being on vacation or at a spa.  And in a sense I was on vacation, I was on hiatus from my own constant mental planning.  I was feeling good and things were getting done (no big surprise there) - even my blog got written without having to carve out a specific block of time.  So that made me stop and wonder: what exactly was I hoping to gain with all my planning (besides a whole lot of stress and feeling like a rat on a treadmill)?  Or perhaps more importantly, what was I afraid would happen if I didn't plan? 

I pondered this thought for awhile but by the time therapy rolled around the following Tuesday I still hadn't come up with an answer.  So I posed the question to P: Was my incessant planning just an annoying habit or might it perhaps point to something deeper?  In true therapist fashion, P turned the question right back at me.  I'd already racked my brain all week with no luck but I was game and so I threw out a few ideas.  Was it perhaps the fear of the unknown if I don't formulate a plan?  Or is it my way of trying to have some type of control over the outcome of a situation?  


As I was talking aloud I came to my own conclusion before P could even weigh in: the constant planning is my way of taking control of my life so that I don't get hurt.  Sometimes it just takes talking it out in therapy to get to the root of something and the answer isn't always the obvious one and may even come as a surprise but feeling the emotion inside me as I spoke those words I knew I'd hit the nail on the head.

I realize, of course, that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense.  How on earth could planning my day down to the last detail possibly protect me from anything?  The truth is that it can't.  But having a plan in general is a way of gaining a sense of control over an unknown situation and in some weird way all of my constant planning makes me feel more safe.  Certainly you can't go through life without plans and planning has it's benefits for sure but it can also be destructive if it's taken too far.  The problem with my planning in particular is that my mind's protective mechanism is in overdrive.  And while this little habit of mine may provide me with a sense of security the byproduct is a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.  

This past week's little experiment taught me the luxury of allowing myself freedom from my plans, freedom to just be.  I'm learning how to relax and let go just a little.  It's definitely a work in progress and I'll probably always be a planner but I hope to continue to question the urgency of my plans and also to learn when to give myself a break.  So while I'm sure that from time to time (especially during times of stress) my little obsession will rear it's ugly head, at least now I'll be able to recognize it for what it is and remind myself to take it easy and go with the flow.


-k