I'm going to let you in on a little secret…I have an incredible singing voice. It's true. In the car or in the shower, when I'm by myself, there are times I could rival Christina Aguilera. Curiously, my musical talents don't seem transfer over into the outside world, like in front of crowds or whenever any other people are around for that matter (there must be something about being in an enclosed space that makes the acoustics just right). Nevertheless I love to sing karaoke. There's something I find very appealing about getting up in front of a small crowd, gripping onto a microphone and really giving it my all.
This past Saturday I made plans to go out and sing karaoke with some friends. A small group of us gathered at a sushi bar downtown, mostly coworkers but there were a few new faces also. With karaoke on the menu, I had suspected the evening might present an opportunity for me to make a fool of myself but I didn't realize that it would provide me with a chance to reflect on some of the progress I'd been making in therapy also. In the past being out in a group like this especially with some people I didn't know might have left me feeling awkward or uncomfortable and, I'll admit, as I initially glanced around the table at some of the unfamiliar faces I could feel myself fidgeting a little with my sake glass. But then suddenly something began to change. I could actually feel a shift within myself and as I became aware of the situation it was almost as if my entire perspective changed in that instant leaving me with a surge of peace and confidence. Feeling more at ease, I was able to focus my attention outward instead of on myself and as a result I had a much better time than I might have otherwise.
On Tuesday in therapy I told P about my fun evening out (although I left out the part about the sake) and I also described for her the "change of vision" I had experienced. P explained that this is what it feels like when you begin to change as a result of therapy. First you start by noticing small things and then, as your entire mindset begins to shift, the benefits of therapy resonate effortlessly into other areas of your life.
Consider my blind date, the subject of last week's blog. In the past, being set up on a blind date is something I probably never would have agreed to, let alone initiated. Yet building confidence in other areas of my life (such as work and social situations) allowed me to enter more boldly into the dating arena. P even pointed out that changing up my pre-planned date outfit last minute for something a little more fun and flirty (something I'd viewed as a small detail) suggested that I had taken an even bigger risk than I'd previously realized. Even with all my anxiety about moving on from my last relationship fresh in my mind, I had managed to set that aside for the time being and put my best face forward.
Consider my blind date, the subject of last week's blog. In the past, being set up on a blind date is something I probably never would have agreed to, let alone initiated. Yet building confidence in other areas of my life (such as work and social situations) allowed me to enter more boldly into the dating arena. P even pointed out that changing up my pre-planned date outfit last minute for something a little more fun and flirty (something I'd viewed as a small detail) suggested that I had taken an even bigger risk than I'd previously realized. Even with all my anxiety about moving on from my last relationship fresh in my mind, I had managed to set that aside for the time being and put my best face forward.
My session with P got me thinking about risks. Take karaoke for example: For some people (myself included) the act of getting up and singing in front of a crowd for the first time can feel risky to say the least. But if you can muster up the confidence to just go for it you'll typically find that, not only is it incredibly fun and liberating, but it usually goes better than you think (Ok I said usually, but seriously what's the worst that could happen? I have yet to hear of a case of someone's head exploding after being subject to a bad rendition of Dancing Queen). And then the more you do it, the less scary it seems. The more comfortable you become taking chances in life the more quickly you begin to free yourself from the confines of your own limitations.
Having the courage to take risks (even small ones) is crucial to so many aspects of life. Anything from telling a joke or making small talk with strangers to bigger things like speaking up for your your needs or learning to open yourself up again after you've been hurt can be considered a risk if you think about it - even by going through the process of therapy I'm taking a big chance on myself.
Maybe that's part of what I like so much about karaoke...it serves as a subtle reminder of how invigorating and rewarding it can be to take chances. And perhaps that's why I continue to face the crowd and give it my all again and again, in hopes of delivering that Grammy winning performance I know deep down I'm capable of.
Maybe that's part of what I like so much about karaoke...it serves as a subtle reminder of how invigorating and rewarding it can be to take chances. And perhaps that's why I continue to face the crowd and give it my all again and again, in hopes of delivering that Grammy winning performance I know deep down I'm capable of.
-k
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