Charting My Course

Some weeks I arrive at my therapist's office with no clear plan of what I want to discuss.  Other times I have so many concepts and thoughts that fly at me throughout the week that I don't know even know where to begin.  This was one of those weeks.  Last session P and I had revisited my list of original objectives from when I'd first started therapy (you remember, the one that made me cry?).  This time when we reviewed the list, not only did I not cry, but I was actually able to see that I had been sailing toward my goals with flying colors.  I left that session feeling pleased with what I'd accomplished and with a renewed enthusiasm for therapy and the process of self discovery, excited to set out and conquer even more.  

Later that week I snuck away on my lunch break to journal at Starbucks.  I had been wanting to sit down and map out some of my new goals for therapy.  I knew that I wanted to keep working on building confidence in my career (and self-confidence in general), to continue to reduce anxiety and stress in my daily life and the associated physical symptoms (when I'm stressed I feel it very acutely in the form of pain in my cheeks and jaw - you know that sort of pungent feeling you get when you bite into a sour patch kid? It's kind of like that).  I decided that I now also wanted to hone in on learning to trust my instincts, to begin to build more confidence in dealing with money related matters and perhaps one of my biggest goals was to continue to come from a place that was more genuine and open in relationships (with friends, family and eventually romantic relationships also).  What I started to realize is that being more authentic in my relationships really comes down to continuing to get in touch with becoming a more authentic version of myself.  Once I'm able to do that then all of the other stuff just comes naturally.  

I remember in one of my first sessions with P she mentioned that when people go through the process of therapy they often come out the other side surprised that who they thought they were isn't actually who they were at all.  I had already experienced some changes in myself since beginning therapy.  I decided to spend the next few days giving a little bit of thought to who I really am, and what it is that I want (not just out of therapy but life in general).  


So I started to ask myself some questions:  What are the things in life that I find most important? What drives and inspires me?  What began to emerge was my passion for therapy and wellness, pets, cooking, health, and finding balance amidst a busy lifestyle.  I've also known for awhile that I have a strong desire to share my ideas and experience with others yet, as a busy professional myself, I wasn't really sure where it all fit in.  I racked my brain for ways that I could bring more of my passions into the forefront of my everyday life.

Then, over the weekend, I was at the gym (where all of my most inspired thoughts seem to strike) when suddenly it hit me like a gust of wind.  Ideas were coming at me so fast I could barely keep up with jotting them down in the notepad of my phone.  I felt electrified as I imagined all of the possibilities for incorporating these things into my life. Continuing to further develop my therapy blog (maybe even writing a book someday?), expanding the blog to include some of my other topics of interest, reaching out and sharing my experience and advice with other working professionals in the future…  


Even the next day, as I was out hiking, my mind was still literally exploding with ideas.  Fueled by my excitement I bounded up the mountain with ease.  It was brainstorming at its finest.  I knew no boundaries.  I was a force to be reckoned with!

Unfortunately for me there's often a fine line that exists between feeling excited and feeling overwhelmed and my enthusiasm quickly gave way to stress (sour patch kids anyone??).  I began to imagine all of the obstacles that stood in my way of getting from point A to point B.  Sure I had no shortage of ideas but I wasn't even certain yet which ones I wanted to pursue or what I wanted the end result to be.  As my mind absorbed the weight of my doubts I suddenly noticed I had stopped in the middle of the hiking trail, dead in my tracks.  


That's when I realized that I was making it bigger than it was.  Any venture or journey in life is just a series of small steps taken one at a time.  If you let yourself become overwhelmed by the big picture and everything that could go wrong not only is it stressful but you run the risk of psyching yourself out so much that you become scared to take a step in any direction.  It's not always necessary to know exactly where you're going but sometimes just aiming in the right direction is enough.  You can always fine tune the details later.  I may not arrive at my destination tomorrow (and who even knows what that destination will be?) but if I keep taking steps in the right direction (even small ones) I know I'll get there eventually.  

How do I know this process works? Because it's the same method I use to write my blog each week.  I don't ever sit down and just write an entire post from start to finish.  Instead I have a general idea of where I'd like it to go so I throw in a little piece here, a sentence there, cut and paste a few times until suddenly I can see it all taking shape before my eyes.  Yes I know that I can't cut and paste in life and there's no delete button (although don't you wish there was sometimes!) but even if I veer off course a little, as long as whatever I'm putting out there comes from a place of authenticity within myself I believe that I will manage to find my way back on track.  

-k