When Life Hands You Lemons.. (A reflection on profit shares, 30 Rock and perspective)

I had a bad week.  My work week begins on Wednesday and I often start my long drive into the office daydreaming about how I think the week will pan out (yes I see the danger in this, both literally and from a therapy standpoint).  Will it be a good week or a bad week? Busy or slow?  Interestingly I began this particular Wednesday with little expectation about how the work week would go.  In fact, if I had to look back, I'd say it actually started off pretty good.  

The day was a little slow, which is atypical in my line of work, and presented the perfect opportunity to get caught up on some things I had been planning to get around to.  I spent most of the morning happily organizing my desk and catching up on some personal tasks. Midway through the day my boss called me into his office to talk to me about our company's profit share program which my nearly three years of employment with the company now qualifies me as eligible for.  

Let me just say here that I love my boss but he doesn't exactly have a knack for explaining things in the most organized manner.  Couple that with my relative lack of confidence in my knowledge of financial matters and I left the meeting not only feeling confused, but I was also pretty sure I did not exactly stand to profit from this so-called 'profit' share.  Furthermore, I was feeling somewhat pressured to participate (it seemed like most people were doing it, my not participating with my relative high position in the 'company food chain' might negatively affect those in positions below me, I didn't want my boss to be disappointed if I didn't get involved...was there something I just wasn't getting?). I became annoyed, both with myself and with the situation and it quickly turned my overall good day into a bad one.  

The thing is, lately I'd been feeling fairly happy about my work environment and it came as a surprise and even a disappointment that I was now finding myself flooded with all of these negative feelings about my current situation.  I began to mentally examine different aspects of my job: my salary, my environment, my hours (and I had recently negotiated an extra Saturday a month off) and in all areas it seemed I was coming up short. I found myself feeling stuck and even a little bit swindled as I started to focus on all of the seemingly negative aspects of my current situation.  

The next night, looking for some comic relief from the tension I'd been feeling at work, I tuned into my usual Thursday night lineup: the Office followed by an episode of 30 Rock.  On 30 Rock, Liz Lemon (the quirky and self-defeating main character) sets out to have a one night stand in attempt to get over a recent relationship.  She ends up meeting a stranger at a bar and is pleasantly surprised when they hit it off immediately.  He orders her favorite drink, says all the right things, and as they discover all of the things they have in common the night seems to unfold in an uncanny, perfect manner. It's not until the following day at work when, clear headed and suspicious, Liz gathers her coworkers into a room and upon questioning them one by one comes to the realization that the entire 'perfect' evening was cleverly orchestrated by her employees who wanted to help her get over her relationship.  In the end, she makes peace with the idea that she has caring coworkers and she had her rebound one night stand. Mission accomplished.

Feeling a little more light-hearted (and with my newfound Liz Lemon detective skills at hand) I began to look at things more objectively over the next couple days.  Reviewing my contract (yes it came to that) and comparing my pay to colleagues in a similar position, I realized I actually make out pretty fairly, and isn't there some good or bad about the situation no matter where you work? I may make what is considered to be average pay within my field but I have great coworkers, a caring boss and a work environment that I feel confident and comfortable in.  As I began to focus on more of the positive aspects of my current position I found myself once again feeling more content.  

So it seems that being in a positive or negative state of mind can lead you to focus on only the good or bad aspects of a situation.  Relating this back to my most recent relationship (which was what prompted me to seek therapy in the first place) I couldn't help but wonder: Did I do this with my relationship?  Because a few things seemed perfect (we were childhood friends, shared a common quirky sense of humor) did I try to convince myself that everything about the relationship was perfect when in reality everything has some good and bad? Is it all just a matter of perspective?  

A couple sessions ago P and I had talked about how when integrating information from the outside world we tend to interpret it in order to fall in line with our long held beliefs.  In other words, depending on how you feel about a circumstance, or about yourself, there is a tendency to notice only the aspects of a situation that help support that belief and ignore all other contrary information.  The good news is that with time it's possible to train your mind to zone in on the more positive aspects of your circumstances and even use that positive attitude to change your circumstances for the better.


Through my sessions in therapy I am learning that the foundation for being able to apply this skill lies in simply being in the right frame of mind and having the awareness to be open to different opportunities. I am also beginning to recognize the importance of just being able to sit back and be aware and objective and not be taken in by my emotions and how that can help me to make better decisions for myself.  Knowing what's best for me is actually a sense that I had long felt disconnected from until recently.  Building confidence, not only in myself or my skills at work for example, but also in my ability to be able to integrate these concepts and respond in a novel way from a point of newfound clarity and objectivity is an ongoing part of my therapy process.  

So all this talk about happiness and perspective begs the question: if you can simply alter your perspective and find yourself content in a less than extraordinary situation can you consider yourself to be truly happy? The obvious (and somewhat annoying) answer is: it probably depends on how you look at it.  But I prefer to think of it like this: we have more control over our happiness than we actually realize.  And in the end, if you're happy, then what does it really matter?  (I think Liz Lemon would agree). 

-k