Confession time: over the past two weeks I've been feeling a little dissatisfied with my job. Ok, I had been thinking about quitting my job to live in a coffee shop and take up blogging full time. (As an aside: I think I seriously could live happily inside a Starbucks for the rest of my life. Can you imagine entertaining? "Hello, welcome to my home, have a seat. May I offer you something to drink….?)
I think much of the problem for me was that ever since I made more of a commitment to my blog I was starting to feel like work was taking up so much of my time and leaving so little time for some of my other interests, writing included. True, things had been a little more intense at work lately (I had been picking up extra days for a sick coworker) so it was no surprise the long hours and lack of free time were wearing on me, but I couldn't help wondering if there was something more?
I think much of the problem for me was that ever since I made more of a commitment to my blog I was starting to feel like work was taking up so much of my time and leaving so little time for some of my other interests, writing included. True, things had been a little more intense at work lately (I had been picking up extra days for a sick coworker) so it was no surprise the long hours and lack of free time were wearing on me, but I couldn't help wondering if there was something more?
A couple weeks ago in therapy I expressed my concerns to P. Although certainly open to any avenue I may want to explore, P also offered some suggestions for making peace with my current situation. She reminded me that my schedule wasn't actually all that bad (I currently alternate between a 4 day and 3 and 1/2 day work week) and gave me some tips on stress relief.
P encouraged me to focus on work the days I was scheduled to work and plan that on those days that was all that I would be doing. Then if some free time opened up unexpectedly or I happened to finish work earlier than usual it would be a pleasant surprise rather than planning things I'd like to fit in and then feeling frustrated when I didn't end up having time. I have to admit, I didn't love this idea at first but it did make sense. I may have other things on my mind during the work day but currently work is where I have to be so why not focus my energy there and make the best of it?
P also encouraged me to focus on relaxing when I was off work so that when I left the office I would be able to leave it behind mentally as well. She recommended developing a ritual that takes me from 'work mode' into 'relaxation mode', such as playing with my dogs or making a cup of tea (I did both!). She said the more senses involved the better.
P encouraged me to focus on work the days I was scheduled to work and plan that on those days that was all that I would be doing. Then if some free time opened up unexpectedly or I happened to finish work earlier than usual it would be a pleasant surprise rather than planning things I'd like to fit in and then feeling frustrated when I didn't end up having time. I have to admit, I didn't love this idea at first but it did make sense. I may have other things on my mind during the work day but currently work is where I have to be so why not focus my energy there and make the best of it?
P also encouraged me to focus on relaxing when I was off work so that when I left the office I would be able to leave it behind mentally as well. She recommended developing a ritual that takes me from 'work mode' into 'relaxation mode', such as playing with my dogs or making a cup of tea (I did both!). She said the more senses involved the better.
It took me a couple of days to come around but I did eventually begin to feel more allowing of whatever work situations came up and was able to give my clients my fullest attention. What I started to notice was that the more accepting I was, the more pleasant the work became. This is something I've noticed before about the power of acceptance. Instead of resisting the current situation, becoming accepting of it actually seems to allow for a better overall experience and outcome. It's a phenomenon I haven't quite worked out but I have experienced the effects of it.
For example, at my job I'm fairly bound to a schedule but instead of pouring over it several times a day like I usually do, I tried to make a point not to even look at it throughout the day. Instead of keeping my eye on the clock, wondering whether I'd finish on time or hoping I wouldn't be stuck at work past closing, I decided to throw time out the window altogether. Almost as if by magic, my appointments began to flow more smoothly and there were several days I finished work at 6:30 on the dot (which isn't typical). I'd already experienced the benefits of not adhering so strictly to my plans and had seen how interestingly, the less I planned, the more I seemed to get done (and the less effort that went into it). Now I was applying that skill to make my time at work more efficient and enjoyable.
For example, at my job I'm fairly bound to a schedule but instead of pouring over it several times a day like I usually do, I tried to make a point not to even look at it throughout the day. Instead of keeping my eye on the clock, wondering whether I'd finish on time or hoping I wouldn't be stuck at work past closing, I decided to throw time out the window altogether. Almost as if by magic, my appointments began to flow more smoothly and there were several days I finished work at 6:30 on the dot (which isn't typical). I'd already experienced the benefits of not adhering so strictly to my plans and had seen how interestingly, the less I planned, the more I seemed to get done (and the less effort that went into it). Now I was applying that skill to make my time at work more efficient and enjoyable.
The following week in therapy P started to help me to identify some of the aspects of my job that I'm dissatisfied with. My job is physically and emotionally demanding which can be both rewarding and trying at times. As I already mentioned my day is very much dictated by a schedule which I'm beginning realize I don't actually enjoy. There is also a sense of balance that I feel is lacking when I have to spend long days at work (fitting in exercise and down time becomes tougher, I feel like I never see my dogs..). And while I do enjoy having several days off at a stretch, much of my time off is spent simply recovering from a tough work week.
Being aware of the more stressful aspects of my job is helpful and will likely help me determine what I want and don't want in the future. For now, I think it's important for me to remember that I'm currently in a temporary living situation (having recently moved in with my parents to save money for a home). I have a longer drive to and from work and less time to myself in general. Stress can magnify a situation making it seem worse and sometimes just being aware of that is crucial. I need to be sure to give myself enough down time on my days off (which I have a tendency not to do) and give myself a break because there are a lot of things I'm trying to fit in right now. As much as I may not like it, there are going to be times when I will need to just shut off the computer and relax. If I'm able to do that I'll be more refreshed and creative when I do choose to focus on writing.
Truthfully, even as I write this I'm still deciding the role that I hope blogging will play in my life. I'm not entirely sure whether my recent dissatisfaction over my job stemmed from just feeling overworked or whether I do eventually want to pursue a change at some point down the road (even just a change in schedule maybe). But I do know that If I quit my job now I really might have to live in a coffee shop (although by 'live' I'd be using the term very loosely and 'entertaining' might be more like getting chased out of Starbucks once they realized I couldn't actually afford to pay for anything in there). While I may not enjoy having to adhere to a schedule and working long hours, there are a lot of aspects of my career that I'm very passionate about. I still wish I had more time to devote to writing but for now I can hopefully at least use some of these tools to help manage and be less stressed. And if all else fails it seems like Starbucks is always hiring. ;)
-k
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