Investing in Myself: A Sure Bet

Hair stylists, personal trainers, financial advisors, therapists…in this day and age it's important to have a good team of people to help keep you looking and feeling great.  Like any celebrity knows, having a core group of good professionals is invaluable.  A competent bunch can really help keep you in check and put your best face forward.  (And don't we all deserve a little celebrity treatment from time to time?)  My philosophy has always been that if you have a goal, look for guidance from someone who embodies what you want to achieve, who lives and breathes it every single day.  So these days I'm taking a little help from the professionals and as a result I'm getting my finances in order, I'm healthier than I've ever been and I'm pretty sure my hair has never looked better.  When I really decided to commit to therapy it just seemed like a natural extension of this principle.   

Now let's cut to the reality of it:  there's a reason why a lot of these services are usually attainable only to celebrities - it costs quite the pretty penny to keep a crew like this!  So when my financial advisors put me on a strict budget (one of the many reasons that I both love and hate them) I really had to go through my spending with a fine toothed comb.  Between groceries (feeling pressure to buy organic anyone?) and gas prices going crazy the way they are right now and other quote-unquote necessities, something had to give.  Therapy seemed like an easy area to cut back.  I figured if I could cut my weekly sessions in half it would give me the little extra cushion I needed to conform to my new budget.  With two sessions a month I felt I could still reap some good benefits, and besides, I had been making a lot of progress lately… I ran the idea by P and she seemed receptive to it but she also advised me to give it some thought.

When I first considered cutting back on therapy I was excited to have found what seemed to be a 'loophole' in my budget but I also felt some resistance to the idea.  I really look forward to my therapy sessions on Tuesdays as 'me time' and, at the risk of sounding selfish, I really didn't want to have to give it up.  That one little hour of my week is my most treasured indulgence.  Imagine stealing away from work in the middle of the day for coffee with your two best friends - it's kind of like that.  And yet it's so much more than that.  Everyone knows what a great sounding board a good hair stylist can be and personal trainers are natural motivators by trade (and trust me, my trainer has come up with some 'wax on, wax off' style words of wisdom - picture a Jamaican Mr. Miyagi!) but there's really nothing quite like a good therapist.  

Therapy has provided me with insight and skills that continue to enrich all aspects of my life.  It has been hands down the best thing I've ever done for myself.  I don't claim to be in a position to give anyone financial advice but in today's economy it seems as though almost any investment is risky so you might as well take the safe bet and invest in yourself.   And really, what could be better use of your money?  Investing in myself through therapy is investing in my future.  It's investing in making better future decisions for myself, investing in better future relationships and investing in a more fulfilling and prosperous future in general.  So, while I plan to keep contributing to my retirement and savings funds I think I'll also continue to take the sure thing and invest in myself -I'd hate to skimp there and risk not reaching my true potential.

So how does all of this fit into my aforementioned budget you ask?  Well I haven't exactly figured that out yet but clearly its going to need some more tweaking.  I'll probably look to my financial advisors for some guidance there (I'll keep you posted).  Like anything else, it's a process but I like to believe that where there's a will, there's a way.  All I know for sure is that the return on this particular investment is going to be huge.

-k

It's Not Me, It's You

I spent Mother's Day with my family, as most people probably did.  And as most people probably did (whether they realized it at the time or not), I fell victim to the inner workings of my family dynamics. Take it from someone who's in therapy, there's nothing like a family gathering to test your newfound skills and resolve.  Here's an example of how this played out for me this past Sunday.

(Disclaimer: Although I aim to be as forthcoming and open as I can, I am fully aware that I am blogging details of my life of my own accord and, therefore recognize the need to protect other people's feelings and privacy.  With that in mind, some of the names and specifics of the situation I'm about to describe have been changed in order to protect the innocent…. )

My dog E has incontinence issues (reason #147 why I'm a great catch for those of you keeping track) which tends to bother my younger sister.  Admittedly, this would certainly be an issue for many people.   Aware that I had planned to bring my dogs to our parents' house on Mother's Day, my sister sent me a text asking that I do something to, let's just say, better his situation.  While her concern may or may not have been a valid one (not the point), I took some personal offense to her request.  


I had been out shopping for last minute grocery items for our family brunch and as I stood there in the baking aisle I could feel my previously happy demeanor shift to a more somber one.  Instead of looking forward to spending the day with my family, I was now kind of dreading it and I felt myself struggling not to shrink back into a more subdued, quieter version of myself.  In my mind it felt like my plans were being shoved aside for my sister's version of how the day should go.  I could feel some negative thoughts creeping in and I even started doubting my outfit of choice for the day (leggings topped with a shirt that my sister has expressed distaste for in the past).  

A short time later, with that issue on the back burner for the time being, I was driving out to my parents' house with my dogs and older brother in tow.  My brother, who had been commenting on and scrutinizing my choices for the better part of the morning (from my Mother's Day gift to what I was eating for breakfast), was now intent on analyzing my driving skills.  I could feel myself growing more agitated as he urged me to speed up, slow down, switch lanes.  


Already a little ruffled by my sister's remarks, I fought the urge to immediately go on the defense.  As we made the turn onto the long dirt road leading out to my parents' house I was just about to launch into a tirade about how I feel like he constantly criticizes me when he cursed a slow truck that had pulled in front of us.  I realized suddenly that his miserable comments weren't being personally aimed at me.  I actually smiled, happy to have been given that little reminder because it allowed me to put things in perspective.  In fact I started making notes for my blog in the notepad of my phone right then and there (Disclaimer #2: I do not advocate trying to blog while driving). 

I'm sharing this story, not as an attempt to demonize my brother or sister (I have great siblings - I typically get along well with my brother and my sister is my best friend), but simply to illustrate how much effect seemingly small events like this can have on your state of well being if you aren't aware of the situation (and even if you are well-aware as I was!)  


With each instance that I allowed myself to feel bad I was letting someone else get inside my head and tell me that my way of doing things was wrong or simply that I was wrong just for being myself.  Being scrutinized in any form makes you question yourself which can build self-doubt if you aren't careful.  Whether it's being challenged for liking a particular song or shirt or diet or lifestyle choice or whatever, over time these situations can have a negative cumulative effect on your self image as a whole.  

P and I have talked in the past about how I tend to internalize these types of situations, maybe more so than most people do, and while my notions of self-doubt may be reinforced occasionally by my parents or siblings, they certainly aren't unique to family interactions.  When each of my major past relationships ended (some for reasons completely beyond my control) I shouldered a lot of the blame, wondering what was wrong with me that caused the relationship to fall apart. Time and time again, I beat myself up to no end when in reality, the only thing wrong with me was that I thought there was something wrong with me in the first place!  

Let me let you in on a little secret: There is no better than or best, no absolute right or wrong, there's only what's best for or what's right or wrong for you.  I'm learning that you shouldn't take other people's negativity to heart.  (Sometimes naysayers are just that!)  And more importantly, please don't ever let anyone make you feel like you are wrong simply for being yourself. Ok? And I promise to do the same.

-k

Going With the Flow: The No Plans Experiment

This week P challenged me to go one week without making plans.  Now I know that may sound like an odd request but allow me to clarify… I'm not talking about social plans with friends or work commitments.  I'm talking about all of the planning that occurs during my down time.  All of the other time that I fill up with little errands and obligations (kind of like busy work that I assign myself).  


You see, I'm a planner.  From the moment I wake up my day is often already prearranged.  I've planned out what I'm going to eat, when I'll go to the gym and what I'll do there, when I'll fit in time to blog…  I rarely ever allow myself the luxury to just go with the flow.  I run a pretty tight ship and I'm constantly looking for extra little pockets of time that I can fill up with even more tasks.  So when P offered up this little dare, even though I found myself thinking it would be a fool's mission I couldn't help but wonder: what would it feel like if I allowed myself the freedom to follow my every whim?  (I imagined it would be delightful!)

And so the overachiever in me accepted the challenge head on.  I launched my 'No Plans Experiment' immediately upon leaving therapy.  For every task or plan that popped into my mind I was to ask myself whether it was something I actually wanted to do or just something I feel like I should be doing.  Here is a sample from my week: 

After therapy on Tuesdays I usually stop by Trader Joe's for some groceries but, in keeping with the spirit of my mission, I paused first to consider whether I actually felt like going. (This one was a no brainer - I love grocery shopping, this was definitely in the 'want' column).   I shopped happily up and down the aisles marveling at the ease of my assignment thus far - maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as I thought!  


Then as I was unloading my groceries later at home I found myself mentally searching for something to fill the next time slot.  I could walk my dogs who were staring at me expectantly as I put away my food, tend to some laundry that was long overdue, finally get around to organizing my work bag…In the past I ordinarily would have tackled all three things but instead I asked myself whether I really felt like doing any of it right that minute.  


The answer was no.  In fact, I was feeling pretty tired from having run around all day on my day off and so I decided to take a nap instead.  It felt really indulgent.  Later that evening I chatted on Skype with my two best friends, which was definitely something I wanted to do, but I also called it a night the moment I felt myself getting sleepy.   Getting into bed I heard a nagging voice telling me I should journal but I decided to skip it - I was tired after all! 

Wednesday evenings after work I attend a yoga class but there's about an hour time slot I usually try to fill between work and the gym.  I typically head to the gym early and run on the treadmill (I'm constantly on the lookout for any chance to squeeze in some extra cardio) but it had been a busy day at work and my body wasn't really up for a run.  I decided instead that I was feeling the urge to reflect and so I journaled, right there in my car in the gym parking lot! Later during yoga, I noticed myself planning several times and I had to mentally slap myself on the wrist during downward dog but the nagging voice in my head eventually went away.  


Feeling relaxed and rejuvenated after class I decided to take my dogs on a late night walk.  Instead of rushing around the block as I often do, treating it like one more item on my to do list, we walked at a slower pace, taking time to smell the roses (or in their case bushes).  I think I enjoyed it almost as much as they did!

Saturday after work I had planned on taking a hot yoga class (I often look forward to some exercise at the end of the work week as a chance to decompress) but it had been a particularly long week and I didn't really feel like committing to a full 75 minutes of intense poses and heat.  I compromised instead with a short session on the elliptical machine followed by a few minutes of stretching in the sauna.  I stopped by the grocery store again (I wasn't kidding, I love to grocery shop) then went home and took the dogs for another leisurely walk.

The rest of the week unfolded in a similar fashion and I began to realize that flying by the seat of my pants was really working out for me.  By the end of the week I was feeling extremely relaxed and peaceful, almost like being on vacation or at a spa.  And in a sense I was on vacation, I was on hiatus from my own constant mental planning.  I was feeling good and things were getting done (no big surprise there) - even my blog got written without having to carve out a specific block of time.  So that made me stop and wonder: what exactly was I hoping to gain with all my planning (besides a whole lot of stress and feeling like a rat on a treadmill)?  Or perhaps more importantly, what was I afraid would happen if I didn't plan? 

I pondered this thought for awhile but by the time therapy rolled around the following Tuesday I still hadn't come up with an answer.  So I posed the question to P: Was my incessant planning just an annoying habit or might it perhaps point to something deeper?  In true therapist fashion, P turned the question right back at me.  I'd already racked my brain all week with no luck but I was game and so I threw out a few ideas.  Was it perhaps the fear of the unknown if I don't formulate a plan?  Or is it my way of trying to have some type of control over the outcome of a situation?  


As I was talking aloud I came to my own conclusion before P could even weigh in: the constant planning is my way of taking control of my life so that I don't get hurt.  Sometimes it just takes talking it out in therapy to get to the root of something and the answer isn't always the obvious one and may even come as a surprise but feeling the emotion inside me as I spoke those words I knew I'd hit the nail on the head.

I realize, of course, that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense.  How on earth could planning my day down to the last detail possibly protect me from anything?  The truth is that it can't.  But having a plan in general is a way of gaining a sense of control over an unknown situation and in some weird way all of my constant planning makes me feel more safe.  Certainly you can't go through life without plans and planning has it's benefits for sure but it can also be destructive if it's taken too far.  The problem with my planning in particular is that my mind's protective mechanism is in overdrive.  And while this little habit of mine may provide me with a sense of security the byproduct is a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.  

This past week's little experiment taught me the luxury of allowing myself freedom from my plans, freedom to just be.  I'm learning how to relax and let go just a little.  It's definitely a work in progress and I'll probably always be a planner but I hope to continue to question the urgency of my plans and also to learn when to give myself a break.  So while I'm sure that from time to time (especially during times of stress) my little obsession will rear it's ugly head, at least now I'll be able to recognize it for what it is and remind myself to take it easy and go with the flow.


-k

Confessions Of A Closet Perfectionist

I have a tendency to be what you might call an over-achiever.  I like to make lists upon lists of things to do.  A typical day's list might include walking my dogs, going to the gym, working on my blog, finally tending to the piles of unfinished laundry that litter my bedroom floor, stopping by the grocery store and the post office, catching up on a few chapters in whatever book I'm currently reading, teaching myself to play a new song on the guitar (and I don't even know how to play the guitar) -  and all of this on top of a busy work day!  


To an outside observer that might sound like a wonderful quality because presumably I'd get a lot of things done.  In reality what ends up happening is that I cross a couple things off my to-do list and then, instead of feeling good about what I accomplished, I end up beating myself up for the things I didn't get around to.  I do try to allow myself time now and then to relax and read a magazine or to get caught up in a Bethenny Ever After marathon (one of my current favorites), yet even when I'm 'relaxing' I'm frequently working on something else, mentally reviewing my to-do lists or creating even more lists in my head.  It's never ending.  

P has referenced my perfectionistic side more than a few times in past sessions and although I have never really warmed up to the notion of myself as a perfectionist (did I mention the piles of unfinished laundry?) I do see her point. This little habit of mine leaves me constantly scrambling to eradicate my to-do list but in reality there is always going to be something else that needs to be done, one more thing to add to the list.   The end result is that I wind up perpetually striving yet always falling short.

Over the past couple weeks, P had asked me to reflect on some of the changes I'd been noticing in my life since beginning therapy and it didn't take long for me to compile a list:  Since starting therapy I've noticed that I experience less of what I refer to as 'mind chatter' (the constant nagging voice in my head).  I also no longer feel like I have to plan every second of every day.  I'm noticing less anxiety at work and in general.  Mundane tasks have become less annoying and even my drive to and from work doesn't seem quite as aggravating.  I'm even finding myself able to relax just a little bit more.  And perhaps most noteably: I'm not making as many lists.  In fact, as I was going about my week reflecting on changes and feeling relaxed I also noticed that miraculously things were getting done with relatively little effort on my part.  (Without my lists? Nonsense!)  

As I pondered this phenomenon I was reminded of an analogy that my best friend told me about a couple of months ago.  Imagine you have several large pebbles and a couple pints or so of sand that you're trying to fit into a modest-sized vase.  If you pour all of the sand in first and then try to stuff pebbles in there won't be enough room for everything.  But if you place the pebbles in first and then pour the sand in letting it filter in and around all of the pebbles it's a much easier fit.  It's an interesting parallel that could probably mean a lot of different things to different people but essentially the pebbles represent your priorities in life (spending time with friends or family, having enough personal time) and the sand represents all of the small, and often necessary, but tedious things in life (doing laundry, running errands, even worries and anxiety) that tend to consume so much of our time and attention. 

Last week in therapy I shared the pebbles and sand in a vase analogy with P and I told her how I'd found it helpful to conjure this image when I felt stressed.  Instead of becoming overwhelmed with my lists of things I'd like to accomplish, if I was able to make just one or two big things a priority, it seemed much easier to fit in all of the small things (and the things that I didn't get around to probably weren't that important in the first place).  If I'm able to focus on my priorities first then not only can I tackle the smaller things with more gusto but I also feel better because I was able to get the most important things accomplished and in turn, I feel more relaxed.  And you can apply this principle to multiple areas of life: prioritizing at work, prioritizing your free time and yes, even tackling to-do lists.  

Always keeping the big picture in mind, P asked me how this notion might impact me in the future, particularly when it comes to relationships.  At first I was a little thrown by her question and I strained to make a connection but now I wonder if perhaps I've been treating my relationships like one giant to-do list.  I try to check off all of the things that seem right but in the end it's all of the little things that keep getting me bogged down.  Maybe in my next relationship if I'm able to focus on a couple big elements instead of worrying about all of the little things then it might all eventually fall into place.  And I'll probably be able to relax more and actually enjoy it for what it is instead of beating it up for all the things that it isn't. 


Now don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that I should have to settle for less than extraordinary, not by any means, but no relationship is going to be perfect, and yet that's what I've been striving for all along.  So while I may not fit the bill in the traditional sense, perhaps I am a bit of perfectionist after all…just don't tell P I told you that!  ;)

-k

Take A Chance On Me

I'm going to let you in on a little secret…I have an incredible singing voice.  It's true.  In the car or in the shower, when I'm by myself, there are times I could rival Christina Aguilera.  Curiously, my musical talents don't seem transfer over into the outside world, like in front of crowds or whenever any other people are around for that matter (there must be something about being in an enclosed space that makes the acoustics just right).  Nevertheless I love to sing karaoke.  There's something I find very appealing about getting up in front of a small crowd, gripping onto a microphone and really giving it my all.  

This past Saturday I made plans to go out and sing karaoke with some friends.  A small group of us gathered at a sushi bar downtown, mostly coworkers but there were a few new faces also.  With karaoke on the menu, I had suspected the evening might present an opportunity for me to make a fool of myself but I didn't realize that it would provide me with a chance to reflect on some of the progress I'd been making in therapy also.  In the past being out in a group like this especially with some people I didn't know might have left me feeling awkward or uncomfortable and, I'll admit, as I initially glanced around the table at some of the unfamiliar faces I could feel myself fidgeting a little with my sake glass.  But then suddenly something began to change.  I could actually feel a shift within myself and as I became aware of the situation it was almost as if my entire perspective changed in that instant leaving me with a surge of peace and confidence.  Feeling more at ease, I was able to focus my attention outward instead of on myself and as a result I had a much better time than I might have otherwise.

On Tuesday in therapy I told P about my fun evening out (although I left out the part about the sake) and I also described for her the "change of vision" I had experienced.  P explained that this is what it feels like when you begin to change as a result of therapy.  First you start by noticing small things and then, as your entire mindset begins to shift, the benefits of therapy resonate effortlessly into other areas of your life.  


Consider my blind date, the subject of last week's blog.  In the past, being set up on a blind date is something I probably never would have agreed to, let alone initiated.  Yet building confidence in other areas of my life (such as work and social situations) allowed me to enter more boldly into the dating arena.  P even pointed out that changing up my pre-planned date outfit last minute for something a little more fun and flirty (something I'd viewed as a small detail) suggested that I had taken an even bigger risk than I'd previously realized.  Even with all my anxiety about moving on from my last relationship fresh in my mind, I had managed to set that aside for the time being and put my best face forward.  

My session with P got me thinking about risks.  Take karaoke for example:  For some people (myself included) the act of getting up and singing in front of a crowd for the first time can feel risky to say the least.  But if you can muster up the confidence to just go for it you'll typically find that, not only is it incredibly fun and liberating, but it usually goes better than you think (Ok I said usually, but seriously what's the worst that could happen? I have yet to hear of a case of someone's head exploding after being subject to a bad rendition of Dancing Queen).  And then the more you do it, the less scary it seems.  The more comfortable you become taking chances in life the more quickly you begin to free yourself from the confines of your own limitations.

Having the courage to take risks (even small ones) is crucial to so many aspects of life.  Anything from telling a joke or making small talk with strangers to bigger things like speaking up for your your needs or learning to open yourself up again after you've been hurt can be considered a risk if you think about it - even by going through the process of therapy I'm taking a big chance on myself.  


Maybe that's part of what I like so much about karaoke...it serves as a subtle reminder of how invigorating and rewarding it can be to take chances.  And perhaps that's why I continue to face the crowd and give it my all again and again, in hopes of delivering that Grammy winning performance I know deep down I'm capable of.

-k

Back in the Saddle Again

This week I set myself up on a blind date.  Well, kind of… I have a friend of a friend who has a friend (stick with me here) who I heard through the grapevine that I might be interested in meeting so I took it upon myself to facilitate our introduction.  Trust me when I say that this was way beyond my scope of comfort.  Still, feeling a little apprehensive since my last relationship and needing a bit of a push to get back in the dating scene I decided it would be best to take the bull by the horns so to speak (you fall off the horse you get back on right?).  So I took matters into my own hands, contacted this friend of a friend's friend and introduced myself.  A little back-and-forth via Facebook and text and voila! - we had plans to meet for drinks on Tuesday night.  And so with a deep breath and my eyes closed tight, I threw myself back into the dating pool.  

A self-proclaimed non-dater (most of my significant relationships have evolved naturally out of friendships), I was really in unfamiliar territory here.  Still somehow throughout the work week I managed to initiate some witty pre-date conversation, come up with a suitable game plan for the evening and even plan out an outfit.  With my last relationship 6 months behind me and never in my life having been on a blind date, I figured I might be nervous but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was really feeling pretty even keel about the situation.  It wasn't until Sunday night rolled around that thoughts of the pending date began weighing heavily on my mind

I found myself having what I considered to be some of the 'normal' types of stressful thoughts (concerns about my outfit, whether or not to offer to split the check, what if I don't like him? what if he doesn't like me?) but I also could sense something deeper.  There was a heavy feeling of anxiety in my chest.  That night I tossed and turned until 3 am when I finally fell into a restless sleep.  Sure I had been out of the dating loop for awhile but this seemed like more than just the typical first date jitters.  No, I was definitely experiencing a deeper kind of stress, like plunging off a cliff into the unknown.  

The next evening driving home from work reflecting on the previous night's sleep (or lack thereof), I had a sudden realization that what I was stressed about wasn't really the date at all but what it represented in my mind: letting go of my past relationship and moving on.  In reality, all I had committed to was to having drinks and a couple hours of conversation with another human being but I felt more like I was getting ready to sign a marriage license.  

The next day in therapy when I told P about the stress I had been feeling she reiterated what I already knew - that my anxiety wasn't about the date itself.  She also helped me define what I feared about moving on.  It can be scary letting go of the past and facing a future that's uncertain especially when you've invested so much of yourself in another person.  I began to realize that it's going to be hard and it's going to take a lot, including resetting my expectations for the future and adjusting my hopes and plans.  It can be difficult to accept the past, especially when it didn't go as you planned but I'm starting to see that it's necessary to let go of the past in order to embrace the future.  As we parted P gave me some good advice for my date that evening:  if it goes well and we hit it off then great but if we don't then "just relax", she said "and enjoy your wine."  

So with that in mind, I went home, put my iPOD on shuffle and began to get ready for the evening.  As I felt myself begin to relax, my stress gave way to anticipation and even a little excitement. I even ditched my pre-planned outfit at the last minute for something I felt cuter and more confident in.  And as I drove toward my destination for the evening, I actually felt really happy and found myself thinking that maybe this whole dating thing wouldn't be so bad after all.  

As for my date…well, it was no love connection but it was decidedly still a huge success.  It turns out putting myself back out there wasn't as scary as it seemed, it actually felt good, gutsy even.  Realizing I have the confidence to be myself and also to trust myself to know what I want (and what I don't want) when it comes to dating is kind of empowering.  This particular first date won't be leading a second one but that doesn't mean there won't be plenty of others that may.  And even if I find myself on another dead end date sometime in the future, I know that I can always just sit back, relax and enjoy my wine.

-k

Keeping the Faith

I have a friend who I get together with once every couple of months for the sole purpose of seeing a girly movie.  You know the type, the cheesy feel-good romantic comedy or emotion-laden drama that we'd probably never subject anyone else to.  The type of movie with a story line that is beyond far-fetched and yet, even though you mentally interject your skepticism at every turn of the plot, you still can't help but smile when the main characters wind up together in the end.   


On Monday we went to see "Just Go With It," the new Adam Sandler movie starring Jennifer Aniston. True to form, the story followed a ridiculous series of ill-fated events with unlikely resolutions and yet sure enough, towards the end of the movie, as the main characters finally come to realize they've actually been in love with one another all along, I found myself smiling as usual.  Only this time something was different... for the first time in a long time I didn't hear the voice in my head telling me that would never happen for me.  

When my last relationship ended I felt like I'd lost my faith.  My faith in people, my faith in relationships, my faith in happy endings.  When you go through something that shakes you like that it can feel devastating and very absolute. It can make you feel like there's no hope for a future that's any different than what you feel in that moment and, if you're not careful, that's exactly the kind of reality you can create for yourself.  The fear of winding up right back in that same spot can be paralyzing.  It can prevent you from taking the risks or chances that might open up an opportunity to change that future for yourself.

After a couple weeks of feeling not so great I am finally coming around to feeling like myself again, only an even better version.  This week P and I spent a little more time talking about my 'setback' (though P didn't particularly like that choice of words) and how it's part of the process, not just of therapy but really part of the process of life as well.  There are always going to be times when I don't feel great or various things or events that may throw me for a loop.  Building confidence in myself and building secure relationships certainly will help me get through the difficult times but I think perhaps equally important is simply having faith to trust in the process.   So instead of feeling annoyed by or trying to brush aside my self-described setback I embrace it because I realize that having experienced that tough time will provide me with more confidence in the future that, not only can I get through the hard times, but I am capable of bouncing back.

So I'm learning to trust the process but perhaps most importantly I'm beginning to have faith again, faith that my future can have a happier ending than the one I'd written for myself - if I'm willing to take the chances.  And on that note, I almost walked up and started talking to a cute guy I saw shopping at Target yesterday (I know, I said 'almost' but it's still a huge step for me!) I know that my fear is an obstacle that I'll need to overcome but I feel like if I can conquer that then I can conquer almost anything.  

-k